drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
