You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We need to rekindle our bromance
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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