im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
