Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
