I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
