I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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