East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
