did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
