dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
