R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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