Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
