Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize