Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
