PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
