I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
