My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
are you so shy because you have an std?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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