we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
