he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
