I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
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