I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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