He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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