nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
