AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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