Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
