Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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