i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
