Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
