Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
