He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
