i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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