You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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