I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
