Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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