Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
