he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
