my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Farmville is her only friend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
