you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
