just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The struggles of a small town man whore
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
