Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
