I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
