Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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