I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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