So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
