saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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