I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
sarcasm needs its own font
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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