What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
