...so i touched it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
