How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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