when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sorry about my life...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
