Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
